.::it's all here::.

...a failed attempt to translate thoughts and feelings into words...

Wednesday, May 31


What sick person doesn't like balloons!? Seriously, it's cheap fun and happiness for all ages!! :) ...Lately I've been watching CSI (i dont know if its miami, la, ny, or whatever city)...It's a good show, I guess. I like the real crime tv shows more...the ones that are on A&E...I think one of them is called American Justice. There were two episodes with a Nebraska crime. That was cool, because I didn't remember any of those crimes being talked about. I was talking about CSI because I have the Who stuck in my head: "...who are you? who-who-who-who..." All these years of listening to classic rock, and never once have I heard that who song...It's catchy.

Progress on my sewing stuff is okay. I've done a lot of work on making a larger skirt...the fabric is adorable...good thing I bought extra!! hehehe I don't know what size the skirt is yet, I just know I cut it bigger...I'm planning on making another one, with different fabric. I don't know if I'll go through with that plan just yet...we'll see.

I can't believe I'm not tired yet...all I ate was a donut...Apparently our air condition is broken. I can't tell the difference...in my room, where I am most of the time, it is always so damn hot. grr Oh I have to go I left all my sewing machinery and iron on...That could be why it's so hot in there...hmmmm

Sunday, May 28


Sarah pointed out this on my dresser earlier...hahaha What do you think it is?? :)

So, I haven't had the greatest day...at Lindy I was irritated for many reasons, but mainly because I didn't get to sleep until about 4am...and then woke up 3 times before 11am...I never sleep very well. I don't mind it, though. I've always been one to stay up until normal people wake up. I enjoy it...the solitude and quietness. No one but you in the immense darkness. It seems like the darkness suffocates all sound. You could scream, sing, shout, or whistle and it would be instantly consumed by the dark silence. No one knows you're awake or what you're doing...it's just you...You can't say you don't enjoy these moments.

I have a lot of work to do this week for Friday...mainly little seams and hemming, but I think if I use my late nights wisely I'll be fine. :) I'm running out of good CD's to listen to, though...grr, I like the radio, but commercials are seriously not necessary! I'm really excited for the Art/Craft show at JNO Friday...even if nothing sells, at least people have seen something I've done and know the label. Most of it will be fairly early work...but I think it's still good. :) The other night at Aroma's, Sarah asked why I started sewing/wanted to go into fashion design...I really couldn't answer the first part. I started sewing 2 years ago, but why, I don't remember. Why I wanted to go into fashion design...well I don't know what my reason was then, but now it is because I want to make original clothes and I want people to wear and enjoy my creativity. Although at this point in my "career", my creativity is slightly limited because I don't know everything about sewing techniques yet.

After all the ideas you've concocted in your head about what the mysterious white powder is...it is baby powder. Simply baby powder. :) Coke gives you a serious case of acne...I don't want/like acne, so therefore I don't like/want coke.

Cleaning is one of the few things that help to get my mind off of whatever. I don't clean for an "allowance" either, mainly just for my own personal satisfaction...Already in just the last 3months, at least $900 dollars has been spent on me. So, any "allowance" I get would go right back to my parents. I feel so selfish...It wasn't for pointless things like clothes, shoes, and oh my god jewlery!!! It was for Drivers ED (for cheap insurance), the fashion camp in Lincoln, and my serger...I guess it is all for good. Sarah told me it is all for good and that they are investing in my future. I suppose that is true, but still...Unlike my brother, eventually I do intend to pay them back whether it's in actual money or in physical labor.

Well...I think this will be my last blab of the week...I'll be busy sewing or doing something (hopefully) productive...Arrivederci!!!

Saturday, May 27

.::Mixed Feelings::.

*I added a new little thing on the bottom of the side bar...Not really sure why, looks interesting*
So, for the most part I had a great night...I shouldn't have left Becky's party, it was a lot of fun!! ((thanks!!)) I was really interested in checking out an art thing, it had live art (they were doing it right there), slam poetry, and live music...I wish I could've gone, we circled aruond for a good half hour for parking, then went to the building and they said "$6 and IDs"...my heart sunk so low...I honestly could feel it hit my stomach or lungs whichever one is closest to the heart... :( Well, 5 more years I guess...psh.

Sarah and I sat at Aroma's for 2 hours talking about dreams and life...And listening to other people's intellectual discussions about the world. That was relaxing, until I got up and fell over a chair...I don't know how often some of you ar downtown, but there's a white guy with dreds who plays the chello, and he's always down there playing and he's really sweet looking and nice...he makes me happy. So does the ticket taker at Dundee...I've seen him all over the place. We don't know each others' names, but we talk ... that's odd, but cool.

Anyway, the dress I wore to the party, I made two hours before I came. It was completely last minute. It turned out a lot better than I expected, though. Quality...well, we'll have to see if survives the wash. I found a pattern that has other sizes than my own, so I'm going to make two skirts for next Friday...hopefully they'll get bought, because I don't know what I'd do with two skirts that don't fit me. I want to use my serger so bad, but many people have told me to "watch the video and read the book" (it came with a free video) I don't want to, though!! :( Maybe I'll just use it one time tonight...no one will know... ;)

Well, I'm going to go sew my blues away...*sigh* Or maybe I'll watch Saving Private Ryan...it's on TV now. I like that movie...and a lot of others. Bye

Friday, May 26

Tags & Labels!!

Here is the tag I'm going to put on the clothes I'll attempt to sell. It is front and back. They don't look good, because they were scanned...but still...I have tags!! Sarah helped me make my labels for the clothes, too. (she wrote "illusion") Originally I hand sewed the word I wanted on the label, but then I got smart and used fabric markers...I know no one cares about all this, but that's okay it's my blog...hehehe


The following is courtesy of Becky(beckstraordinary)...It's amazing, and I do believe I'd like to learn that.

Thursday, May 25

...*Bloodshot Eyes*...

Yeah, I have a serious case of bloodshot eyes. Not from illegal substances (hehehe), but because I'm "enjoying myself." Sitting on the computer all night...looking for entertaining things to do. I'm taking a lot of stupid quizzes because I'm so bored. Maybe I'll go play some games next...PopCap Games are fun, and Homestarrunner is fun, too. Wow, I need to get off this mind controlling computer.
Does anyone else notice how you can just get sucked into it? You get on real quick to check your email, or whatever, and then 4 hours later...whoa, I was supposed to do something 2 hours ago...It's horrible. I swear that the motive of the internet is to waste people's lives and make them feel like a failure. Anyone else agree?
Hmm...anyway. Tomorrow is the set date for when I'm getting a serger. Exciting...and that's saying a lot, because I'm not one to get really excited easily. I think it's the thrill of easy and clean hems/seams...that'll excite many people. ;) haha
I'm going to set a couple goals to accomplish bye 7pm Friday night...that'll make up for wasting all day today sleeping, eating, and sitting on the computer...It won't make up for wasting the day, because the day is wasted...you can't get it back...But it will compensate for the loss. :)

Eyes full of...

You scored as Mysterious. You wish to hide who you are from those around you. You find it very hard to trust people. You also may enjoy the fun that comes from playing mind games with others around you. My advice, Get out there and reveal the true you if only to one person!



Eyes full of Pain




Diamond Eyes

Take the quiz!

Wednesday, May 24

Blabbing to Kill Time...

Today (& every Wednesday) is $1.49 Waffle Cones at Goodrich!
Finals went...okay, I guess. Just finished Chemistry...made up answers on about 3 problems...or 4, no 5....I really enjoy Chemistry/Science, but just those certain things like percent yeild, actual/theoretical, ionic net equation, and balancing equations completely throw me off! :( Over all I think I did okay on all my tests. I have about another hour and a half to sit here and type...This'll be fun.

Do you guys know who Belle & Sebastian is? I recently found their CD buried among un-listened to CD's. :) I'm glad I found them...
I purchased a "book" online that explains how to make your own (dress/clothing) patterns, and I'm hoping it'll help me advance in my sewing skills. It looks like it will...My dad and I are going to go shopping for a serger sometime this week. I'm so excited to get one...then I will have everything necessary for sewing. Besides a studio...I was at the Hot Shops, and I know they have a few. There's also one above Retro in the Old Market, 5 stories above Retro...That'd be fun to watch the tiny people from above. And my last option would be the basement or loft in my own house...that'd be reasonable and free, but it's all messy with storage...so there's not much room now. Plus I'd like to get away so I can be distraction free, and not hear "Suzie!! Suzie!!! What are you doing!? Where are you?!" ugh...I'd kidnap my dog and take him with me to my studio...I think he'd enjoy a new scenery. I think for my next birthday, I'm going to buy myself a studio. I should hopefully have at least one job (I'm hoping for two) under my belt by August...and if I save my money wisely, everything I'm imagining should come together! :)

Is June 2nd still the arts and crafts thing at JNO, does anyone know? I finally convinced myself to let go of my art/clothes I made...if they fit anyone. I should start making more than "my size" clothing. That would be the intelligent thing to do, huh?

The one thing I like about summer (no NOT the free time, hot weather, sun, and swimming) is that everything is going on. Almost every night you can find something to do. It also all happens at once, so you have to make sacrifices, too, you know? I think next summer..eh two summers (hopefully I'll be in NY next summer) from now I'm going to join one of those volleyball leagues at Barrets. (40ish & Leavenworth) I don't like Barrets 1/2 as much as the Marleybone...but I think it'd be a fun way to meet people.
Does anyone know how to play guitar? I'm interested in learning so I can go sit in the Old Market and play...with my case open.... :) hehehe
Grr I swear the clock is stuck!!! There is no way I can write for much longer without making whomever reads this fall asleep...in 10minutes I have to go pay for a cute top I won...I'm assumming I'll win it...I needed more summer/breezy tops, so I thought eBay wold be a good place to go for that...I was right.


Monday, May 22


So I had a wonderful time tonight at the Meeting Place! THere was quite a few people there. I got quite the workout...geez. For those of you who did not go...shame on you! Now you must wait until September for the next chance to dance their and experience the wonders of sweating like crazy!!! :P It's nasty nasty...

I have so much studying to do for finals. I think of all the test days, tomorrow will be the hardest tests. Yeah, I think so. Not too well with Spanish and HORRIBLE at Math. ugh Well, I'd love to write so much more, but I have to go shower, study, and maybe sleep. I'm on quite the caffine high right now. 16oz of coffee 32oz of Mt. Dew....wow I'm wide awake. :)

I don't think I'll be at Troy & Merinda's tomorrow night...but maybe if something happens, I'll be there. Don't count on it, though. :( I'd like to experience it on a Tuesday night! haha Who knows it could be completely different than Wednesday nights...

Okay ,enough bye!
No Weekend Plans?
-Saturday: 8pm-1am Art/Poetry Slam/Live Music(Sarah Benck, Jazzwholes, etc) $6 cover 325 S 16th St (By King Fong's...it's the building with all the glass windows)
-That's all I really know right now...I don't know if I'll be at the above event. It sounds like fun, but who knows. I'm short on $$ right now. :P

Sunday, May 21

Two Funnies to Brighten your day!

Saturday, May 20


Not feeling too well right now. I have a horrible headache...horrible night to add to it...Details of that don't matter. Just a summary of how everyone has someone to talk with, relate to, or be with, and there I am sitting back and watching all alone. Kind of brings tears to my eyes...

I had a little problem with my tonsils this past week or so, and I was finally forced to go to the doctor. I'm actually taking pills (for the right reasons)! Amazing, it's been 2 years? Yeah, crazy...Maybee these magical little pills that helped my tonsils will help all the illnesses I have! :) yay

This is my last 1/2 (not even that) week of school...I may or may not be at Lindy/other Jitterbug events this week...I have soooo much work to do for Monday, it's not even funny. I will probably start a good portion of it now and listen to Sunday School. (haha that's such a contradiction if you ever listen to it, it rarely has anything + about sunday schooly things) Goodbye :*

Friday, May 19


You scored as Psychology.
You should be a Psychology major!





























What is your Perfect Major?
created with QuizFarm.com

Thursday, May 18


->So, I know I'm supposed to be saving my money for New York next year, but every so often there's SOMETHING on eBay. ugh I'm beginning to ease off of that, though. And my next rather large splurge, will be in a matter of minutes. I think it will be worth it, though. It's going to be for my sister's birthday. It' s not until July, but it's the last one they have so I put it on hold. I think it's a reasonable splurge. She does a lot for me and takes me to quite a few places. I know material things don't matter as much as the intangible, but I'll let it slide this time...she deserves it. :)
->Besides, I'll be working very very long hours this summer, so hopefully that'll get me in a good saving mood. Would it be okay to submit another application to a place if you had already applied quite awhile ago, but now you have more work experience??
-->June 17th 6pm Bright Eyes @ Memorial Park. FREE!!! (I might have to work all day :( )


Wednesday, May 17


::FRIDAY NIGHT:: midnight movie Ninja Turtles!!!! Possibly going to Donut Stop after...

So, I'll start off with the blah things. I finish the Great Gatsby awhile ago...Now onto the movie. 1974. Wasn't too thrilled to watch it, because I know quite well that movies in the 70's basically sucked. (There are a few exceptions) And once again there is more proof behind that statement. The Great Gatsby (1974) is HORRIBLE. Crappy acting, crappy stage, crappy directing. I've only watched the first 30-35minutes, and it's that easy to tell. I HATE IT!!! GRRR

Is it just a mere coincidence or is there something more?? ((I know nobody knows some things about me, but let's just say I don't go to the same school(s) I went to last year.)) I continue to see the same two people very often for the last oh I don't know....8months maybe? It's nice to see them, yes, but why do I constantly seem to run into these two people? There are plenty of people I could run into...why them? I actually only enjoy running into one, the other not so much...I just can't stop wondering why we keep seeing each other. Fate?...Nah psh

My food intake now consists of cereal, bread, random snacks, cereal, cereal, bread. Yeah...I'm a little too lazy to look for actual food. I just grab what's easiest...and I feel the after affects. I don't have my "nutrients" and I'm a little weak. I just can't seem to get this whole food thing right...it's either too much or not enough.

I cannot wait for Will & Grace's final episode! I'm sooo sad, but at the same time excited!!! Kevin Bacon will be on!! yay :*

I'm going to go eat, and possibly head over to Troy & Merinda's...Bye

Friday, May 12


No updates...I'm just so captivated by these verses, felt like sharing...

"And all these lines fall short of what I had in mind,
A failed attempt to capsulize a feeling,
So I just try,
Fail and try and try again,
Someday I swear I'm going to get it,
Because I'm convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is,"
-Straylight Run

Wednesday, May 10

Intertwining Thoughts

I'm thinking of possibly getting my hair cut like the picture shown...maybe not right now, but in the near future. I cannot wait forever to have long hair. Maybe I will...who knows. Friday, turns out no "friends" will come, but who knows if I'll be there. I may just go binge out on donuts at the recently discovered Donut Stop...Over the summer, when things were...let's just say "different"...I gained 10 stress/guilt pounds...got very sick, lost it, gained 5 back, and now this week I gained the other 5 back...I know why, too. When a diet consists of: cereal, donuts, cookies, chips, and bread...things are bound to add up sooner or later. hmm Still contemplating what to do.

Today I found a new use for mechanical pencils...hehehe. I used this new discovery on two people, and they thought it was pretty cool, others thought opposite. What is the new use? Not going to tell ;) For me and everyone else who knows me well to know. Sorry :(

I yearn for bluntness and braveness/boldness from people...it's a long search with very few (if any) results. That's all I ask for in a person...well and the caring/listening trait as well...I wrote a poem about it, I had no intention of it becoming one, but it did...hmm A little random I suppose, but that's the way my mind thinks. Random, except it does not seem so random to me. Because in a way, it all intertwines in some way...

I had two poems published, and one of them could win me money...I'd like to post them if you don't mind...I don't like to title my poems, but I had to...

What would happen
If we had another opporunity
To do something differently,
Would we take it, and make the change
Or live with how it's been?
All along wondering,
What it would've been like
To take the other road,
Choose the other door,
Or pick the other option.
Always thinking, never knowing.

Unattainable Attraction
That look in your eyes
When you think I'm unaware.
The words that you speak
When you think I don't hear.
Simple expressions to show the impossible-
The one thing hardest to explain.

Sunday, May 7

And so it was...

This weekend hasn't gone quite the way I had hoped...well part of it. I awoke at 7am for absolutely no reason. Now it's 8:30am, and I have no means of transportation to Fontenelle. How perfect...

I went to the Donut Stop for the first time Friday night. Very interesting little shop, but the donuts were amazing!! Never ever before have I gone to a place were the Long Johns were completely filled with white creme!! Everywhere else it seems filled, but then you get to the center, and it's a big disappointment. It can't be too terribly hard to fill the entire donut. Maybe they do not have enough creme to go around...

The Rocky Horror movie was good. I liked it and it was pretty funny. I think it would not have been good outside of the theatre without that crowd! They were hilarious, threw rice at the wed scene, and sprayed us with super soakers. Ah what fun. I now know how to do the Time Warp!! yay now I don't feel so left out! :)

If the Far Beyond Frail show gets over before JNO is out, I may be able to get my friends to drive on over and check it out. :) Maybe...

**Does anyone know if Mick's ID's @ the door?**
Well, here's some week/weekend plans. There's not quite as much as last week...

7pm-9pm Big Band @ The Meeting Place
9pm-?? Sarah Benck @ Mick's Music & Bar
6pm-10pm Nicholas Street Gallery Opening (1301 Nicholas St)
9pm-??? Far Beyond Frail show @ Mick's Music & Bar
11:59pm Mary Poppins @ Dundee Theatre
8am-12pm Farmer's Market

Friday, May 5

::~*Fiesta de Cinco de Mayo*~::

That's right it's Cinco de Mayo! haha Like I care...but I do in a small odd way. I'm going to El Augila to "celebrate." Actually just eat food and see how chaotic it is in the South O, and test out my hispanohablante!! aiiii! :)

So, I've just been having such an excellent week. Beginning with telling off some creepy teacher...yeah I didn't even get in trouble. ha Then getting caught with my knives at school...oh what a laugh. NO punishment! (I know wtf) Just a simple "I don't want you to bring them again." What crappy crappy authority. At my other schools, you get caught with a simple laser pointer, and BAM instant 3 day suspension. These incidents make me smile.

So, more wonderful smiling news...I got 2 jobs! :) One is working at the Taste of Omaha for three full days. The other is at the CWS, but not as a parking attendent like I had previously said. I cannot wait to work. I love to keep busy, get out of the house, and meet new people. It should be a lot of fun.

Today as I walked to the post office on Farnam, there was this absolutely indescribable guy. We locked eyes, and there was that connection. Not the stupid "love at first sight" bull, but more of a "I want to know more" type thing. Only once before has that happened. It's the best thing, and makes you feel so wonderful. It amazes me of how simple eye contact can tell a lifetime story...
I would write more, but...I think it's better said in my thoughts, rather than with words...

~Rocky Horror Picture Show, Tonight 12am, Dundee Theatre $5 ((IF YOU ARE SMART YOU'LL LEAVE JNO EARLY))

**If anyone wanted to know, I will not be at JNO next Friday May 12th. The best band I have seen so far is coming to play at Micks @ 9pm. David is so sweet, soothing, and friendly ((not fake either))...He would make anyone want to come see them ((Far Beyond Frail)) again. :)

Monday, May 1

No weekend plans?

8am-12pm Omaha Farmer's Market <---11th & Jackson
12pm-8pm Hot Shops Open House
7pm-10pm Artists Co-op Gallery Opening (ft. music by Micheal Murphy)


8am-8pm Fontenelle Forest Free Day
12pm-3pm Lindy in the Park